How will our Ken sleep at night?

The Tories are ready to start their “clever” primary election to elect the Tory candidate to be Mayor of London. Actually, they are about to start the election to see who will fight the Lib Dems for the honour of coming a distant second to Ken – easily Britain’s best elected politician (in this writer’s humble opinion).

The Tory grumbles that they are selecting too early are well founded because the deadline looms and the illustrious figures so far announced range from loons to idiots. The only thing uniting them all is the desperation to hide bonkers policies under smiley Cameron style sound bites.

Let’s have a look-see at what the bottom of the Tory barrel looks like:

James Cleverly, the Tory candidate for the directly elected Mayor of Lewisham, has a lovely campaign website. On the policy section of his site, he says that, “it is tempting to announce a few controversial, high profile policies just to grab some headlines. I will not be drawn into a war of sound-bites.”

However, his blog makes for interesting reading and he sets out his clear views on the big issues of the day. On Israel/Lebanon, he says “I feel that the priority must be for both sides to stop and then take whatever the next step might be.” Ahuh. What about yoof crime James? “Youth crime is bad and getting worse and demonising all young people is lazy and counterproductive.” Very balanced. His blog also tells us that he likes green cars as long as they don’t interfere with the market, dislikes the Liberal Party, but like lots of Lib Dems, and loves Iain Dale. James is the candidate of the even handed Tories.

The candidate with the silliest name award goes to Warwick Lightfoot. From his website, he actually looks like quite bloke for a Tory. It is unclear which section of the population he is appealing to when it is announced on his website that “As a boy Warwick did not like school lessons and took no interest in his academic education”, but he gets points for going to a comp. Warwick says he will “make it a top priority to get value for money from the Mayor’s Budget”. Clear blue water.

Richard Barnes – a member of the London Assembly – is also standing. This writer isn’t able to tell you much about the candidate. His website is so dull that within minutes chest pains erupted across the upper chest and pills were needed. We do learn that he can speak Norwegian, Danish and Swedish – which is basically like saying you are linguist because you can speak English, American and Australian.

Next up is Nick Boles. Nick is also a cuddly Cameroonie. He doesn’t have a website yet, so its tricky to give a rundown of any silly comments without doing more research than this lazy writer can be bothered to do. However, he is very unpopular with those Tories that still believe in Tory policies like tax-cuts, stopping immigrants from immigrating, hanging people and so on. For some reason, this has led the BBC and others to put him down as a favourite to win over Tory voters in the primary. Lastly, we have a lady candidate. Very diverse these Tories.

Victoria Borwick says she wants to be a good Mayor for everyone –“regardless of their background, sex, or colour”. It always sets alarms bells ringing when a politician has to volunteer the idea of not discriminating, but if they are going to do it, they shouldn’t stop at sex and colour – what about the gays Vicky? What about disabled people? Not looking out for them? Poor show. Victoria’s views (or lack of them) on the environment have to be seen to be believed.

One candidate talked about a lot is Nick Ferrari. But he isnt standing (yet). He says the Tories are selecting too early. This quote of his is best of the whole lot: “I think they [the Conservatives] want a winner. If you look at some of the bookies’ odds I would appear to be a winner.” Tomorrow is the deadline and this is the best they have got.

Guido Fawkes reckons the Tories are set to put the election back, but The Daily has been told by friends of sources close to friends of Cameron that “Zac [Goldsmith] would be an excellent [Mayor]”. If we wake up to pictures of a Mr Green you heard it here first. If you don’t wake up to those pictures, just remember – we’re lefties, it would be weird to have that good a source on the right.All in all, it’s looking like being a good day to be a Labour voter in London.

Good old those Tories.


4 Responses to How will our Ken sleep at night?

  1. The environment isn’t Borwick’s only shortcoming.

    I don’t know if you allow links or not but here’s the gaps in her policies we spotted:

  2. B4L says:

    Re: Boles, just look up how well he did in Hove last year… Will post more on this, time permitting.

  3. Nick says:

    Boles certainly didn’t set the world alight in Hove – a seat that had Con Gain written all over it to such an extent that the sitting MP stood down in advance, which should have made it even easier for Boles to win, but he still flunked it.

    I notice that he’s already come up with a great Cameron-style policy on the Routemaster, of criticising the initial decision to remove them from service but not actually having a policy on whether to bring them back or not. And that was being spun as the “central plank” of his platform…

  4. Latest news – Cleverly has withdrawn, having got on to the A list; Andrew Boff (who stood and lost in both previous Tory Mayoral selections) and Lee Rotherham (twice a parliamentary candidate in unwinnable seats – both times his vote went down as the national Tory vote went up) have entered the race.

    Perhaps not quite the star quality Cameron and Maude were looking for…

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